A love letter. A confession. A prayer. A petition.
From one protector who has been there too long, rusting at the hinges, to the other who's never there, who might never be there again.
Worried his partner might stop existing, the narrator reflects on everything he'd like to tell him but might never have the strength or opportunity to.

I never thought I would end up writing a love story, but when I found myself in a situation very similar to the narrator's life, I realised my journaling was becoming something else, and I needed to share this story.

There is lots of stigma around transness and personality disorders, especially in the current political climate. There is a tendency, in healthcare, to blame symptoms and struggles and disorders on our transness, and we often worry about the impact that being more open about our mental health can have on our diagnosis and access to care.
Even when writing this story I was worried about how people would perceive it, given threats to detransition neurodivergent trans folks.
And when you mixed transness and one of the most stigmatised disorders (DID and OSDD), seeing this book on the shelves felt as scary as needed.

The premise is quite simple: two protectors, two systems (colloquial term for people with DID/OSDD), rarely around at the same time. One of them tells the other to write down everything he wishes to tell him, and our narrator realises that there's more to both of them and their relationship than he initially thought.
This story is a brief snapshot of a relationship where the two people "exist" occasionally, rarely at the same time, and yet their love and desire to exist overrides their roles, purpose, limitations.
It's a story about what happens when you realise there might be more to your life than what you assumed was your purpose, and when you realise you're allowed to want more than the bare minimum - from yourself, your love life, your past.

I wanted to write a story that felt bittersweet and cathartic for the readers as much as the writer, and challenged our understanding of time, trauma, healing, love, and existence.

Here are the first four pages, to show you some of the amazing interior art Elle has worked on. The colours will look slightly different once printed, due to the darker paper, but this is what it will look like on the pdf.

The text is entirely handwritten, and while I'm currently looking into making it available in other languages, it might take a while to write it again!

Part of the reason why I decided to self publish this graphic novel was to have total control over what the final product would look like.
I decided to print with a local (Leeds, UK) small business - Print.Work - that invests a lot in sustainable products.
I have printed with them before, and the quality and customer service have always been incredible, so I'm excited to finally collaborate on a larger project.

Standard edition
The standard edition will be a paperback printed on Oribi Straw, a "beige" paper made of agricultural waste. I decided to opt for ticker pages, as it elevates the quality of the print, and contributes to that "sketchbook" feel that compliments Elle's artwork incredibly well.

Variant edition
Given the short timelines, I wanted to make sure people ordering online and backing the campaign had access to an exclusive edition.
Our variant cover is designed by Fidjit (@fidjit), an amazing artist and tattooer based in Glasgow, Scotland.
Given the themes of the book, I was incredibly grateful to be able to collaborate with Fidjit (and I'm not just saying this because of the four amazing tattoos I've collected in the past couple of years).

The variant edition will have a white drawing (potentially in white metallic ink depending on the stretch goals), printed over Colorplan Ebony, a black recycled paper for a luxurious but minimalist and sustainable paperback edition.

Hardcover edition
In addition to the standard edition, there will be fifteen hardcover copies (or less, depending on how many are ordered) handbound in black faux leather.
At the front there will be a little window showing art made my Elle specifically for this edition.
All copies will be signed and hand-numbered.

I had been looking for a long time for someone who could bind some of the copies, especially trying to stay true to the aspects of this project that were important to be (supporting small businesses, queer artists, and keeping it sustainable).
I absolutely fell in love with Nate's craftmanship, and I hope you will too.

Should we hit the stretch goals, we will be looking into adding ridges, maybe embroidery, and have a few polls to learn more about what the backers would like!

And if you think once you'll have read the book you'll have a dream cover in mind, check out our Custom Edition tier, where you get to pick cover elements (colour, embroidery, ridges, details) and have Nate design a one of a kind edition for you! And it comes with a free standard and variant edition, an art print, and all unlocked physical rewards.

When I first wrote this graphic novel, I knew it would be challenging to translate it into visuals. It's part stream of consciousness, part stack of love letters, and it tends to describe memories, shifting identities, thoughts, fears... lots of very abstract elements that don't necessarily belong on a page, or in a panel.

Elle Shivers has done an incredible job making the art tell the story. Not only does it feel dynamic despite the 'stagnation' the narrative laments, but it helps show the contrast between what's happening internally (literally even, with the internal world) and how the narrator's perceived externally.

I first came across Elle's work as part of the ShortBox Comic Fair, and I loved the way gender played a role in their art and stories. I remember screaming a little when I opened their email, after I initially reached out. A year later, I am so excited to have worked with them, and I can't wait for you to see the incredible work they've done.

It also feels incredibly meaningful to have had an entirely queer and trans (and cat parents) team work, especially on this project.

Ramses Wolfe (he/hymn/sin) is a trans writer and advocate based in London, where he lives with his wife and five cats. When he's not yelling at the six of them to stop chewing on plastic, sin spends his time gardening, crocheting, buying books faster than he can read through the existing pile, and writing about gender, disability, and religious trauma. You can find his work at ramseswolfe.com

Elle Shivers is a trans/queer illustrator and comic artist based in Manila, Philippines. They're also a happy (and long-suffering) parent to two adopted tabby cats. They make art about labour, gender, the body, and the tensions between the two. Current interests include medieval art and going on long walks after work.
You can find more of Elle's work on elleshivers.com and @tamingservice everywhere.

The first copies of the standard edition will be printed in late September/early October.
Once I receive the final version of the variant edition, they will be printed within 2-3 weeks, depending on the test print and any adjustments needed.

Distribution will start in October, both in terms of sending out the copies to backers and to stores.
Depending on shipping, the bookplate should be with me in October/early November, meaning the signed copies will be sent then.

Once the copies arrive, I will be sending fifteen of them to Nate (@sanktallin), who will then strip the existing cover to replace it with the amazing handbound one.

Standard and variant edition will be shipped from within the UK, unless I manage to secure distribution abroad.
The hardcover edition will be shipped from Europe.

Shipping will be charged right before fulfilment, and unfortunately I don't have control over the shipping charges or import fees. I will do my best to allow for in person collection or to alert of any events I might attend abroad, and take some copies with me, but please be patient!