So today Sylv is 49. We'd talked about wanting to take Zoey on the High Roller this Fall - Zoey's second birthday was on the the 15th. We figured we'd do it on Zoey's birthday, and I initially was going to do it then, but F1 made that pretty much impossible. So I did it on Sylv's birthday. A few good friends went with us, and my nieces took Zelda by car so she could be a part of it without having to walk all that way there and back. Her back knees are bad, and the cold makes them worse. 

We all eventually got there - F1 STILL has everything fucked up in this area - and went up together. I was going to pay for everyone but they insisted on covering it for me. Zoey, as expected, tripped entirely out. She was utterly fascinated and also a bit nervous and wouldn't get too close to the glass. About a foot. I watched the sphere in particular, that's Sylv's favorite Strip thing, but made sure Zoey got to look out all the different directions. When we got off, she was very fascinated by pretty much everything, seeing it up close again and realizing we'd been way up high. It was pretty cute.

Zelda was chill. She'd done it before, so wasn't as impressed.

I'll have video and photos up later, but these pics are of baby Zoey riding behind me in my seat when she was too small to keep up with us, and the last picture Sylv took of themself. I thought they felt appropriate.
I got home and my nieces helped unhook the dogs, heat me up some pizza for lunch, and I told them they could go. I didn't want to keep them, there's nothing to put together today, anyway, so I thanked them for going up with me and the dogs and they left.

I honestly couldn't hold it together much longer, no matter how much I don't want to be alone right now. As soon as they were gone, I fell apart. I'm not doing well today, which I expected. I missed my meds last night and this morning (I think I conveniently forgot because they make me feel mellow and grounded, which has been keeping me from really feeling what I'm going through) so it's finally hitting me hard. Yes, I've taken a med now, it'll even back out in a few hours. I'll be okay. I'm not okay right now, but I will be.

Happy birthday, sweetie. I love you and miss you so fucking much.

Your support makes a huge difference in my life, and helps me survive during this time of uncertainty and transition. For those of you who have pledged, I thank you so very much.